Psalm 109: The Video

Here’s the song. My only disclaimer is that I wrote it last night and it’s about 6:30 in the morning when I’m recording this without a drop of coffee in me. Why? Ya got me!

Psalm 109

If you don’t know, I read the Bible a little.  Last week, I’m reading through Psalms and I stumble across 109. The end of the Psalm just sounded like beautiful poetry and I thought I can work with this. If you can’t stand old timey country music you are really gonna hate this one. It’s got that riding through Bakersfield in the ’50s feel to it.  Here’s the lyrics. When Letty comes home I’ll have her record me messing it up.

Psalm 109

Rescue me
Because you’re faithful
Rescue me
For I am poor and needy
Rescue me
My heart is full of pain
And I am fading like a shadow at dusk

Rescue me
I’m weak from hunger
Rescue me
I’m skin and bones
Rescue me
I’m a joke to everyone
When they see me they shake their heads in scorn

Chorus:

Help me oh Lord
Only You can save me
Bless me even when the others curse

Help me oh Lord

Even when they attack
I’ll go right on rejoicing
I’ll praise You to everyone

Hosanna: The Lousy Video!

Ok, here it  is in all it’s glory. I could make a bunch of dumb excuses about how it sounds but the truth is I can’t remember the words that well lol. Like I said rough. Real rough.

Hosanna

This is the first full song that I’ve written in awhile. It’s called Hosanna. If I’m not mistaken that means “save us!” It actually came pretty easily which means either it sucks or it rules lol. Pretty much inspired by my experience so far with Adams Avenue Crossing. I’ll try and get a sound recording of it up soon. I might need the wife’s help with recording it. Anyways, without further ado, here’s the lyrics.

I want more than a seat on Sunday
I need more than an hour or two
To show the world just what I’m feeling
To show the world my love for You

We can meet You in the middle
We can meet You on the boulevard tonight
There doesn’t have to be a steeple
You’re our God and we’re Your people

Hosanna
From our generation of greed
Hosanna
So that we can help those in need
Could you let it be
Can you set us free
So that the blind can see

I want more than some big screen TV’s
I need more than a hymn or two
To show the world my soul’s on fire
To show the world my heart’s for You

We can meet you in the middle
We can meet you with our broken hearts tonight
There doesn’t have to be a reason
You’re our God and we’re Your people

Hosanna
From ourselves oh Lord our God
Hosanna
To be the meek and not the proud
Can You make us loud
To be heard above the crowd
So that the deaf can hear Your sound

Remember things will probably change as I play it more, it’s basically a final draft that will continue to be edited. Look at me making excuses before anyone reads it, I’m too neurotic.

Into the Great Wide Open

It’s hard to throw the door wide open and jump out not knowing where you’re going to land. It’s in those decisions where I seem to find the most growth in life. Whether it’s been entering relationships, starting bands, giving up addictions, ending relationships, having kids, changing jobs, all of the things that have made me grow are the hardest ones to enact. Change is a bitch.

I was at Adams Avenue Crossing Table Talk on Sunday and it was a discussion that mostly was about transition. For us as a group and for a lot of us as individuals. It wasn’t the official theme of the talk, that was Chapter 5 in The Forgotten Ways. It was definitely the tone of what we were talking about.

I heard us discussing being more inclusive to our members, being a grandparent, how far do I take my ideals into the workplace, the frustration of the process of adoption, the fear of stepping into something deeper and being hurt, Not knowing how to explain ourselves or at least be understood as Christ followers to the people in our lives that aren’t. These are all doors opening with inevitable change on the other side. It was wonderful to listen and maybe develop a deeper intimacy with these people I have been hanging out with the last couple of months. I couldn’t stop thinking of the Real World Motto.  “When people stop being polite…and start being real.” This is becoming MY church.

What’s my door? I guess it would be making the decision that AAC has indeed become my church. Paul brought some bread for us to eat on his new cutting board. He said he’s very big on symbolism. Me too. We were outside together (there was no room at the inn, I mean cafe), with our group, our children, praying,  breaking bread, discussing our lives. Communion. It can’t get any more church than that, can it? Maybe not in the modern context of what we believe church looks like, but in a way that 2000 years ago was probably the norm. It felt right. Again, MY church.

Where’s the decision in that? It’s not as much a decision as an acceptance of what God has put before me and acknowledging it. I think in these times of not decision making but actually just realization of where God’s led me that I feel His presence the most. The realization that He’s actually laid His hand on me or whispered in my ear to get me to where He wants me to be is so faith affirming.

So now what? I’m a member of a church that doesn’t look much like what people think a church should look like. Maybe not even what I think a church should look like. There are things that I crave from Journey that aren’t being filled at AAC. It’s another thing that we discussed on Sunday. Most, but not all of us AACer’s go to another church to fill those needs. I’m not sure what that is to others but for me I crave the worship (singing and praying) that happens at Journey as well as getting to listen to a fantastic teaching pastor like Ed Noble. Let’s face it. I’m a big fan of his and his thoughts on finding a new normal in my relationship with Jesus. What was January’s series about? The Year of Living Dangerously? I’m making my best attempt at doing it!

I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I would pray that God will show us a way that we can fill those things that we are missing at AAC. I want to find all that I’m looking for in Christ at the place that I call my spiritual home. What I really hope is that He shows us in a way that we could never have imagined on our own. The way that He leads us to do church. He’s taken us this far, I don’t think that He will abandon us now.

Examining Paul’s Letters to the Americans? Part 1

I know. The title’s provocative. It was meant to be.

Here’s a question that I’m pondering. Are evangelical Christians today comparable to the Corinthians that Paul addressed in his letters? I can’t help but feel that most of the time when I’m reading and studying 1 and 2 Corinthians that Paul is addressing me and my generation as much as the Corinthians of his time.

From what I understand, the Corinthians were a lot like us. They were a cosmopolitan, worldly people that loved extravagance and flair. They were easily seduced by easy words and dazzling imagery. Much like me and quite a few of my fellow countrymen.  Bring on the show!

They weren’t sure what to make of Paul. This guy didn’t even accept money from them to preach to them! That was almost akin to saying that what you were talking about was worthless! He also was a self admitted flop as far as personal style and orating went.  He represented almost the antithesis of what a Corinthian would consider a “successful” man. When ya think about it, so did Jesus, who Paul was trying to live like. I always wonder how we would react if a Paul surfaced in our culture. Would we laugh him out of church?

Obviously, I’m not a biblical scholar, I can only interpret what I read from my own life and experience. Which I will admit is probably skewed a bit. It’s just that his words haunt me as I read them.

²⁰Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? ²¹For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 1Cor 1:20-21.

²⁶Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. ²⁷But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. ²⁸He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, ²⁹so that no one may boast before him. 1Cor 1:26-29

¹⁴The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. ¹⁵The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man’s judgment:  ¹⁶“For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?”^[d] But we have the mind of Christ. 1Cor 2:14-16

¹⁸Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a “fool” so that he may become wise. ¹⁹For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written: “He catches the wise in their craftiness”^[a]; ²⁰and again, “The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile.”^{[b] 21}So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours… 1Cor 3:18-21

What’s the Holy Spirit through Paul trying to tell me here? I think he’s telling me to take everything I’ve learned in my life before and even after receiving Christ and shove it. All the things that have been taught to me since I was a child, since I’ve been babysitted by a TV for most of my life, all the things that the very Nation that I was born into, have absolutely nothing to do with the way that God wants me to live my life.

He is also echoing what Jesus himself said many times in the Gospel. The last shall be first. That there’s an equal playing ground in God’s Kingdom.  …So that no one may boast before Him.  Rich, poor. Strong, weak.  It doesn’t matter. We are all equal in the eyes of The Lord through Christ’s death on the cross. His Grace is enough.

I love the 2nd chapter and how it so totally throws me under the bus in the way that I thought before Jesus. How I once mocked Jesus and his followers. Why? Well, truthfully, partly because his followers are such a pain in the ass. They are an easy target. To get even deeper, what Jesus Himself was talking about would make no sense to someone who wasn’t a believer. Heck, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to us who believe, either.  Lose my life to gain it? Huh? Help the oppressed and the homeless and the poor just because? I think it’s that “what’s in it for me?” angle that we are all born with.

The other thing he talks about is how  I make judgment on all things now. Why? Because I have the mind of Christ! What the…? Really? Yes, really. What a terrible responsiblity that is. When I say terrible what I mean is HOLY.  The mind of Christ keeps me from being JUDGMENTAL! How is that for divine irony?

What I mean is this. If I have the mind of Christ I can no longer hate anyone based on their sexual identity, their race, color, creed, gender, I can’t even judge them on their religious preference! For Jesus himself forgave all of us. Jesus welcomed all who came to him. If I have the mind of Christ can I be any less welcoming? Can I be any less forgiving? Hate might even be the wrong word. I think that I must LOVE everyone, as hard as that is to do sometimes.

Do I think that I am wise by the standards of this age? Yes. It’s something I can’t deny. I’ve eaten the forbidden fruit. Gorged on it. Lived my life without a care in the world except for getting what’s mine. What I deserve.  Where has that gotten me? Well, Paul says nowhere. As a matter of fact, he says I might just want do dumb it down a bit.  Become a “fool” to this world. That one line might cause me more fear than any other that I’ve read so far. Becoming a fool makes me vulnerable. Becoming a fool makes me weak. Becoming a fool makes me needy. Exactly where God wants me.

Little did I know when I started this post that it was going to turn into a series, but alas, that’s what’s happening. Stay tuned for Part 2…

Donald Miller: Make a Better Narrative | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

Donald Miller: Make a Better Narrative | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

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Since I can’t write anything lately, read about someone who can. Reading Donald Miller is like eating a piece of chocolate pie with a steaming cup of coffee to wash it down. Too good for words!

Crutches

Headed over to Normal Heights this morning to do whatever it is we do for the homeless. This is really a trial by error kind of deal, at least for me. I know as I’m driving over there I’m asking the Lord what it is that I can do. Let me be Your eyes, Your arms, Your ears, and Your mouth.

Let’s face it. The homeless are a little scary. I mean, usually there’s a reason why they are homeless. Whether it’s drugs, alcohol, or mental illness, no one is hitting the streets on a winning streak.  I love the fact that Jesus is turning my fear into compassion. I love the fact that He is letting me see people through His eyes and not mine. My eyes are jaded and wary. His are loving and hopeful.

I was sitting at the park this morning without a homeless person in sight. I figured I’d get my bible reading out of the way before TC showed up and we went looking. As it happened, TC brought the homeless to us. He hollered at me to meet him over at Lestat’s so off I went. Here’s TC’s take on what happened before I ran into them.

I walked into Lestat’s and TC was buying a sandwich and a cup of soup for a guy he met in La Mesa.  Said his name was Ron. He told me people called him Crutches. An appropriate nickname since he was on crutches.

I know that the one thing that God has been wanting me to do is listen. I think He’s laid the gift of being able to have a conversation and not just a monologue on me. I think He’s gifted me with the ability to maybe ask the right questions. How can we redeem someone if we don’t even know what’s going on inside their heart?

Ron’s story kind of went like this. He’s a San Diego native of 57 years. East county mainly. He has 4 kids and 2 wives. I asked if he had a harem and he laughed and said no, just one at a time. All his children are grown up. Two are in Jersey, one is in Texas, and one lives out in Santee. He was really proud of his son that went and fought the Taliban. When he told me that you could feel his pride in his boy.

The reason that he was on crutches? Seems that 9 months ago a couple of guys met up with him at Amaya over by the trolley. They had a baseball bat. They told them that they wanted to get rid of the homeless in the  area. They started to chase him. He came to a 6 foot fence and decided to jump it instead of  face the wrath of the bat. When he hit the ground he landed on his knees. He ended up breaking his leg. He ended up in the hospital for a few days and then they sent him on his way with the crutches.

He told me that he’d done quite a bit of county time. He’s retired now. Doesn’t want any problems. He’s an old man now that just wants to be left alone. I can dig. I know the feeling too well.

Here’s the question. What do you do? I think we did as Jesus would have done. Fed him. Got him a pack of smokes. Got him a Steel Reserve. Listened to his story. We all have one. We all want to be heard. I think TC and Sam probably gave him some shirts and some shoes. I think you show him our Savior’s mercy without asking anything in return.

Did we convert a soul to Jesus? Probably not. I don’t even know if we planted a seed. What we did do was show another human being God’s grace in a way that he could tangibly understand. So for an hour or so he was able to feel our Lord’s unconditional love. I just thank God that I get to be a part of something like that.

Everytime we go out I’m learning. Maybe my job isn’t to convert souls to Christ. Maybe my only job is to show Christ’s love and mercy and healing and understanding to those who have been beaten down by this world. Those who are so broken that the milk of human kindness might be a cigarette or a 40 ounce. I’ll let the rest of y’all be concerned about saving souls. I’ll focus on showing Christ’s mercy and let Him take care of the results.

Park Stalk

Ok, that’s the last time I use that term for what we did today. It’s just funny to me. Hopefully someone will come up with something equally catchy for what we did today.

What did we do today, you ask? That’s a good question. Sometimes when God sends you out to something you just do it, even if you’re not quite sure what “that” is. God called us to go to the park today, bring some water and oranges, and hang out looking for people to talk to. I think better yet we were called to listen. Which is sometimes a harder thing.

We met over at 39th Street park (can’t ever remember the real name of it). Sat and talked and reflected about our week so far while we scanned the park for someone to meet.  It was pretty empty except for some kids and their moms at the playground. Even the basketball courts were empty.

I’ve got to admit, I’m pretty nervous about all this. I don’t know if this is in my skill set. I don’t really see myself as an evangelist per se. When no one was at the park I think inside I was quietly going “yes!”. So we said a  prayer and headed off to the Adams Ave Rec center to see if anyone was hanging out over there. Great.

As we rounded the corner at the rec center we saw a couple of guys sleeping on two benches with old blankets covering them.

Me to myself: “Those poor scary guys who I can’t tell what they are about, let’s just let em sleep. They must be really tired and possibly dangerous to waken.”

T.C., walking up to them, “Hey, would you like some water?” Now I’m a little on edge. I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to wake up sleeping homeless folk.

Out pops a head. Man, it’s just a kid. A kid with a mohawk. Troy. Says he just got kicked out of his parents house for smoking pot a couple of days ago.  His buddy popped his head out also. Bob.  Long hair stoner kinda guy. Both of them are 18. First they turn us down when we ask them if they want some water and oranges but eventually they relent and accept a couple of bottle of waters from us.

Bob’s pretty quiet and stays on his bench sleeping. Troy, I think he felt obligated to talk to us since we forced him to accept our water. He tells us about how he ended up there, how he might have some issues with pot and drinking and smoking. Actually a really nice kid. Quiet, but he said that’s because of the medication that he’s on.

One of their friends came up while we were talking to them. Keela. She had just left her boyfriend’s place after he kicked her in the head to start off his day. That was our introduction to her. She was definitely the talker of this little group. She has a couple of issues with Christians. The same ones that a lot of us have. Even other Christians. When she was talking I could definitely tell that she had been to a few AA or NA meetings in her time.

She explained her conception of God in much the same way that I did in my last post. TC talked a bit about how a lot of other Christians feel the same way that she does. She was pretty receptive to listening and responding to us which I though was pretty amazing. I kinda told them a little bit of my story of coming to Christ and how I had all the same thoughts and feelings about Jesus and Christianity that they did.

After talking a little more, Keela had to leave.  And that was that. Our first walk was over. Nothing bad had happened. We might have planted a seed. A positive seed. Not one of a condemning God that wanted to send them to Hell but a God that wanted to give the something to drink. Not The God of the Million Dollar Bill Bible Verse Tract but The God that wanted to listen to them.  The God that wanted to give ‘em an orange. The God that talks about grace and forgiveness.

Incarnational? I think so.

Christ, You Know it Ain’t Easy…

I’d like to get a couple of things off my chest.

First, when I went looking to find a God as I understand Him, this wasn’t how I envisioned it was going to go. Far from it.

I wanted one of those all-purpose deities, ya know what I mean? The anything goes, whatever-I-think-is-right-he-thinks-is-right kind of gods. A god of my own creation and purpose.

I certainly wasn’t looking for a God that was going to call me on my bullshit. I wasn’t looking for a God that had His own agenda that had nothing to do with my own personal agenda that I have held so dear. You know, me, me and what’s that? A little more me please.

Let’s face it. I wasn’t looking for a Savior. I was definitely looking for a Save-me though. Just do the wrinkle your nose thingie or the blink your eye thingie and get me out of whatever horrible situation I happened to be in at the time. Yeah, a Genie kind of  god would suit me just fine.

I kept going this way for a long time. Many years. Decades. Here’s a little insanity for you. It never worked. But I kept trying with this god of my creation. Because I didn’t like my alternatives.

Alternative one. There is no god. Hmmmm, I did try that for a few years in my early 20’s, playing in Baldheaded Jesus (a punk rock band) singing songs about the joys of atheism and the foolishness of organized religion and the oppression of cows.  It just wasn’t me though. I knew there was something more out there. I felt IT even if I couldn’t identify what “IT” was.

Alternative two. Maybe the other guys were right. The ones that I loathed. The ones that I poked fun of. The neanderthals that Ned Flanders led. That’s right. Those guys. The Christians.

I’ve already documented that part of my story elsewhere. The very last thing that I ever wanted to join. I. Was. Now. In. I asked Jesus to be my Lord and Savior sometime in early 2007. After a few lapses of faith (yeah, I’m not perfect) I really ummm, what? gave myself totally to him in January of 2008 and was baptized in June of 2009. I still have lapses in faith, I guess that’s a never ending battle.

Which leads me to today and now. This is not what I expected at all. I thought that all that was going to be required of me is to go to church on Sunday, say a few prayers during the week, not be a jackass to people, smile at strangers and make all sorts of cool new Christian friends to replace all of my heathen ones.  Oh, and read the Bible.

Ahhh, there’s the rub. The stinkin’ Bible. If I’d never read that book I’d be alright. If I had just stayed away from the Word of God I could go on like most every other American male goes on. Not a care in the world except about what my next big purchase was going to be. My next supah vacation. My next illicit affair. Man, did I mention I hate telling on myself? I really do, but I will. I know that in the end it will save me.

It’s not like that for me anymore. The things of this world that held such appeal for me have lost their value. I really, really believe that Jesus is more concerned about the treasures I’m storing in Heaven than the ones I’m storing here on Earth. It says so. In the Bible. It really does.

It also mentions all the things I alluded to in my first post. Those aren’t just cool little things that everyone should try and follow. They are what Jesus Christ said I should be concerned about. It sucks man, I know. I’m the most selfish, egotistical, self-obsessed guy that I know. Just look at that last sentence. See what I mean?

When I post on Twitter or Facebook a verse about the poor or the rich that verse is there because it hit ME smack dab in the face. Jesus Christ is so fricken punk rawk it blows me away. He wasn’t catering to the popular, the rich, the exalted ones of his time. If you want to know my opinion, if Jesus came here today doing all the same things he did back then we would crucify him again.

Look, the last thing I want in this entire world to be is the guy that everybody hates. The guy that says hey, this is wrong. The dude that says what are we really all about. The man who points out that this is not how Christ intended it to be.  If you know me, that’s probably the one thing you know about me. I’m the last guy that God would pick for this.

First off, I’m probably the biggest idiot of all God’s idiots. I’ve been known to lie, cheat, steal, gossip, and otherwise do everything wrong. Over and over again. I don’t know if I have an ounce of moral authority or personal integrity to tell anyone how they should live their lives. I’m constantly battling this.

Second, I’m like supposed to be fun-in-a-box. I’ve always been more of a light hearted, let’s have a good time kind of guy.  We can worry about this stuff some other time. Let’s play some poker or go to a movie and not worry about things. This is God’s country right?

I’ve heard Ed Noble talk about this. How He calls the least likely people to do His work here on Earth. If I didn’t feel called to this I wouldn’t be. Doing. It. But when He is on my heart saying “My precious child, say something. Do something. Be someone who stands up for those that are most dear to me. The oppressed, the poor, the disenfranchised, the lost and homeless. The least of your brothers. You have a big mouth, use it!” yeah, thanks Lord.

Christ, you know it ain’t easy. “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Those are your words. A totally different situation, but I dig. Help me.